So here’s my guide to understanding infidelity and the rules to stick to if you want to minimize the damage an affair causes. We take a look at why we’re unfaithful, and the pros and cons of playing away.
Have you ever been tempted to stray?
Don’t fall in love
It’s easier said than done, but if you’ve decided that it’s not going to be a lasting thing, make sure you don’t get attached.
To avoid falling in love with your, em…lover, don’t get to know him too well and avoid going out for meals, to the cinema, for weekends away, or general things couples do together. Your passionate encounters are enough – you can’t have your cake and eat it.
Be Honest With him
There’s no point in letting him think you’re going to leave your partner for him if you know you’re not going to. You’ll only keep up his hopes and make the end harder to deal with. Don’t lead him a dance.
Be Honest With yourself
What is it you’re looking for?
A stop-gap? Your confidence back? A serious relationship? A kick up the rear for your partner, to make him pay you more attention?
Once you’ve worked out what you want and why, you can stick by your decision and get what you want out of it. And, of course, you need to be honest about the consequences if you’re in a serious relationship: what questions should you be asking yourself and your partner? Should you split up? If you’re having an affair, do you really love him?
Keeping it secret
Get rid of any proof you’ve been cheating (bank statements, texts and emails, the smell of cologne on your clothes, etc) and don’t go confessing your sins to all and sundry. The fewer people who know, the better. You can never be too sure, and you don’t want to make your friends and family feel uncomfortable around your partner by telling them.
However wonderfully handy your house is, never ever invite your lover round for a quickie after work. A marital bed is particularly sacred. Did you know that one of the first questions someone who has been cheated on always asks is ‘Did he come to the house and did you sleep with him in our bed?’ Aside from that, it’s vital for your sanity to keep certain parts of your life separate from the rest.
Protect yourself and your partner
So he says he’s always been faithful? It means ab-so-lute-ly nothing. You made the same promise to your partner too, remember? You can’t prove he’s telling the truth, so don’t take any risks: always use a condom and make him take an HIV test with you. He could give you and your partner STDs or worse. Your affair might seem like a bit of fun but it can be a very, very dangerous game if you don’t take the right precautions.
Protect you and your partner from him
So he’s gorgeous, caring, sweet, and he’d never do anything to hurt you? Rubbish! You just never know. Just by being with you, he’s an accomplice to your lies and he could easily betray you. What if he got angry, jealous and posessive? What if you end it, he can’t stand being dumped and he decides to tell your partner everything? Think ahead and make sure he has no hold over you. Don’t tell him where your husband works and don’t give him your address or home number (you can always blacklist him on your mobile or change your number).